Changes

Most people are not necessarily fond of changes. That is true for just about anything in anyone’s life. Some even hate it, though it does depend on the magnitude of the change.

If you think about it, that’s a bit of a ridiculous attitude, because everything is ever changing. It’s one of the few constants in life: it’s in flux.

There are a lot of things changing or about to change in my life. Most of that I embrace, because I chose it. I am giving up my job and I leave London not just to travel, but to learn, to meet new people, learn more Spanish, see things from a new perspective.

Every day will be different, new, exciting and daunting. I am an introvert after all.

I do believe, though, that we’re all more willing to deal with the changes we bring about ourselves. Things we actively seek to make happen, regardless of the impact they may have on our lives.

By the same token most of us also love their little routines. It is comforting to have them, secure. And whilst I cannot wait to break free of mine, I am very much entrenched in them. More so now that I have been single for such a long time and been living by myself for the better part of a year.

Today I am seething. I am so unbelievably angry, it feels as if a hole is burned into my chest.

One of the few thing I truly hate are impositions on my personal time and space, the kind neither desired nor invited. I find myself intruded upon by change from the outside for absolutely no good reason.

I have sixteen days left on this boat and the next twelve I am forced to share it with a perfect stranger.

That she is here was decided by my landlord, who clearly did not understand me when I told him I am an introvert and have certain boundaries when it comes to living with strangers. And why he would impose somebody on me for twelve days just before I am leaving, making me supremely uncomfortable in what thus far has been my home, is utterly beyond me.

Clearly I’m angry with him, but also with the person in question, who decides to put on some laundry at 9pm and then just leaves, only two return at 11.30pm and putting the washer into the spin cycle. Who does that?!

Admittedly I have to get over myself first and foremost, because I’m wallowing in my perceived misery under this injustice. But I am and always will be an introvert and with that comes a huge personal space that is out of bounds for most.

What I do not have to put up with or get over, are idiotic decisions made by others that directly affect me, especially when the effect is negative.

On the upside, I’ve written the anger out of my system and feel better now.

Needless to say that the change I desire cannot arrive soon enough now.