Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue

No, I’m not talking about a wedding. I am talking about friendship. Friends. This weekend I got to spend some time with old and new friends, borrowed friends and, well, missed out on the blue one.

Friendship is a curious thing and I’ve got friends, I really don’t get. Or maybe they don’t get me, I don’t know. Saying that makes one wonder, why we are friends to begin with, but never mind that.

As a rule, I love everybody I call a friend, some more, some less, depending on how close we are, of course. And I’d do anything for my friends. Somehow I never really get the chance to do anything for my friends, though. I am always there for my friends, in a manner of speaking anyway given that some of them live on the other end of the world. You approach me for anything and the worst I’ll say is no. But if you ask for something that I am able to give, I’ll give it to you.

As a human I am not perfect. Consequently I am not perfect as a friend either. I want to be the best friend I can possibly be, but I don’t always get the chance and sometimes I fail. Not because I don’t want to do right by my friends, but because I am more human and more selfish at a time that would require me to be a better friend.

It’s not easy to be a good friend sometimes. I can watch a friend run with open eyes into a disastrous situation, knowing full well what the outcome will be, and I will not warn them even though I could and the question is, if I should. It’s easy enough to say afterwards “I saw that one coming”, but it doesn’t feel good when a friend ends up being miserable.

At the same time you don’t want to tell your friend upfront that they’re making a mistake and afterwards nodding your head “I told you so”.

Either way you’re the jerk. Sometimes you can’t get it right.

A good friend lets you make your own mistakes and picks you up afterwards. A good friend will also tell you when s/he thinks that you’re about to make a mistake. I suppose it all depends on the mistake you might be making and what business it is of mine to tell you how to live your life.

Does this make sense or am I rambling horribly?

I can only go by what I would want a friend to do. I need to go my own way and not be told how to move or where to. I need to know that I can rely on someone to back me up either way and not tell me “I told you so”. But maybe my friends could tell me at least “I might’ve seen that coming”. I’d be more inclined to listen to advise they might have later on.

Don’t support me unconditionally, but love me unconditionally. That’s what friends are for. They’ll tell you when you’re being stupid, but they’ll love you no less.

I wish, friendship was less complicated. But that would require people to be less complicated and that is not likely going to happen. I am grateful for my friends, few as they might be. I chose them and somehow they chose me. I think I’ve mostly been lucky with mine and those that matter have stuck around in one way or another.

Everyone else has slowly, or sometimes abruptly, fallen out of my life. Sometimes I’ve found that to be a shame, but never have I been able to hold anybody back. I can’t hold onto someone who doesn’t want to be held onto. I wouldn’t want to be held onto either, if it didn’t feel right.

You’re free to go your own way and leave me behind. If we’ve made good memories, I’ll cherish them. If we haven’t, well, it might be better for both of us to go separate ways.

They say people come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. That goes for friends as well (who are usually people anyway). I’ve met people I’ve been friends with, if only for a season. And I’ve had those friends that came into my life for a reason, even if it mightn’t have been obvious at the time.

Few are for a lifetime, though.

You I cherish the most.

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About 2clouds

I am many things, most of them I am 100%, some of them 150%, none of them just half. I write, I read, I dream, I travel. I question. And I'm always looking for answers. No dream is impossible.
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