Where I need to be

When I left Germany on the 6th of July 2006 to go on a trip around the world, I did what I had to do. I had to leave home. It was not just a dream come true or something that I always had been wanting to do. No, I needed to do this.

I had no real plans. I had bought a ticket to New Zealand in order to board a yacht anchored in Whangarei’s Marina at the top of the North Island. The skipper (and owner) of the yacht, whom I’ve met in an online sailing forum, had invited me to come on down and sail to Fiji with him some three weeks prior to my departure.

Beyond the decision to just go ahead and join him I had no plans and no ideas of where to go from there at all. He wanted to finish his circumnavigation and was happy for me to join him. I wanted to give it a go, but had no idea of how far I would go with him and for how long. I didn’t know what to expect and had no contingency plans in case it didn’t work out.

In the end I stayed with him for two months and we did sail to Fiji. I’d never been so sea sick in my life. And when we got to Fiji it was wonderful. Until it turned stressful, because he loved me and obviously that was never going to go anywhere.

So I left and on a whim decided to apply for a Working Holiday Visa for Australia, which I got. So I got a one way ticket from Nadi to Sydney, where I stayed two weeks before I moved to Melbourne, where I stayed a year.

None of that was in any way planned and a lot that has happened since has not been planned either. I just lived. I just went with the flow. I was happy every step of the way.

I needed to leave Germany. I needed to leave home. I needed to leave my family in order to come into my own. I love Berlin, I love my family and friends. And yet I needed to leave and would never want to go back to make a different decision. I don’t regret a single thing.

Yeah, okay, I wasn’t always happy. There was a lot of heartache along the way. But it was worth it. Six years ago I started the trip of a lifetime and I can’t say that it’s finished yet. I haven’t arrived and maybe I never will.

Of course, it’s all about the journey. It’s been said by greater minds than me, and it’s been said many times. But when you’ve been there, when you are there, you know it’s true.

It’s a bit of an irony, that I am incredibly organized, but don’t plan anything. Somehow it’s getting me where I need to be, though, and at the end of the day that seems to be what matters most. I’m always where I need to be. Even when I am not necessarily enjoying myself for whatever reason.

This is something that I have certainly come to understand during my journey. I’ve learned a lot and grown a lot. It’s a process that is ongoing. 

Where I am at right now on this journey of mine, I know it’s only temporary. I comfortable at home and around the guys I am living with. I can’t say the same about work and already I am feeling like moving on. Every single day I feel the need to write stronger than the day before. And this is, I believe, why I am here. So I get started on my writing for real.

I’ve written more in the past few weeks than I’ve written all year. I’ve written more in the past year than I have written in the past six years. Obviously I am headed somewhere with this.

And damn it’s about time. 

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About 2clouds

I am many things, most of them I am 100%, some of them 150%, none of them just half. I write, I read, I dream, I travel. I question. And I'm always looking for answers. No dream is impossible.
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