Okay, so I was pretty sick for the better part of two and a half weeks. There was lots of coughing going on, the painful kind, too. I got conjunctivitis in my left eye and a middle ear infection in my right ear. I had the worst headache for a few days and basically was almost incapable of even getting out of bed.
It’s been a long time that I’d been this sick. I couldn’t explain how it was possible for me to be so sick. Granted, it started on a flight back home from Germany and you know that you can pick all kinds of bugs up on a flight. Still, it completely threw me. And because it wasn’t too bad in the beginning, I kept going to work for a few more days until I realized, that I wasn’t getting better and in fact getting worse.
I spent all up about 6 days at home and most of that in bed.
Three weeks after first falling sick I’m still not a hundred percent, but I’m definitely out of the woods as they say.
Now, laying in bed all day leaves a lot of time for thinking. My main concern was initially to just be miserable, but when I was still and well drugged I had also opportunity to just think.
I’ve been aware for a while now that my job is not for me. Some things about the running of the place were plain ridiculous; that said, however, I was bored out of my mind and could not muster the slightest enthusiasm for what I was doing or supposed to be doing.
Granted, I will always give my best and do at the very least what’s expected, but I couldn’t go beyond that, couldn’t give 110% or more, because my job was sucking the joy out of my work. It sucked the joy out of my life as well.
And I am quite certain that my state of misery quite contributed to my state of illness. Mens sana in corpore sano. A healthy mind in a healthy body.
This goes both ways. Our psyche affects our soma, which is why it is called psychosomatic.
Deciding to actually take care of myself and getting well, I also had to affirm what matters. I know what matters. For me, myself and I, I have figured that out a while ago.
Considering how rotten I felt, I was unable to spend any time with my laptop or my notebooks to do any sort of writing, which made me miserable as well. The last blog entry is almost three weeks old and my journal, too, saw a longer break.
At least at times I could just lay still and read myself to sleep. But I didn’t have the strength to write and now need to make up for lost time.
What matters most is to write. To me at least. Obviously you know that by now.
But my health, physical and mental, my happiness need to be maintained in order to allow me to do that. I can’t write when I am unwell.
When you’re sick you are very much focused on what you want and more so what you need. I am still focused.
Consequently I have now quit my job. It was inevitable anyway, but me falling ill like that has exacerbated an already unbearable situation and resulted in me handing in my notice sooner than might have otherwise been the case.
I have a new job lined up, which I will be starting next week. It’ll be better than the previous one, possibly not ideal, but I know I’ll be able to cope and it’ll be a bit of a new challenge.
It’ll allow me to save money and work every weekend on my writing.
And after that, we shall see…