I can lie to everyone under the sun if I so desire. But I can never lie to myself. I can pretend. I can beat around the bush as much as I like. But I will never be able to hide from myself.
I don’t want to lie to anyone, I don’t want to pretend, and I generally consider myself pretty straight forward.
But just because I don’t want to lie, doesn’t mean I want to reveal everything. Or sometimes even anything.
Writing is profoundly personal. I couldn’t open up any more than through the act of writing if I tried. However, I still find that I am holding back.
When I write I am open, no matter the subject. I’ve made a point of that. But sometimes it requires quite a bit of digging to get to what it is I want to uncover. And surprisingly I find that I hit a barrier every now and then.
I didn’t even realize it was there. Or maybe I was quite aware of it, but chose to “blindspot” it. If you don’t look at something, you can pretend it isn’t there. What did Douglas Adams call it? Somebody else’s problem. SEP.
We humans do that a lot. We made an art form out of it.
But there’s really no point to it. I believe, in order for me to be the best writer and also the best person I can possibly be, I have to unveil myself.
This is not about me, myself and I, though. I don’t care for self-indulgence. I also don’t need to find myself. I know who I am and where I stand, more so and above all, where I want to be.
No, this is about me being true. I have a voice. I have a truth. Neither is ultimate and both are malleable, at least to a degree. I said it before, I am a work in progress.
So, what is it I want to say here? I believe that I need to keep pushing, especially when I find I hit one of those barriers. Blind spots are simply not an option. Not even, if not especially not when it comes to my own self.
I will never amount to anything, if I can’t overcome these barriers.
I suppose procrastinating is part of that. I don’t think I suffer from writers block. I don’t believe I have nothing to say. I don’t believe I’m not interesting or talented enough to dare speak up and write down.
I’m a bloody good preacher when it comes to daring to be yourself and go after your dreams. I can always rest on the fact that I’ve gone for some of my dreams already, been there, done that.
But boy, I’m not done. Not by a long shot. I’m just starting.
It’s time for me to stop being in my own way. I am going to be unstoppable.
You just watch.
2clouds 