Trapped

Ever feel like you want out? Everything is going just fine. Job is okay, not great, but who needs great when it’s just supposed to pay a living? Friends are good, family may not be around all the time, but it’s been like that for quite a while now and you’re used to it.

Your romantic live is as listless as always, but that doesn’t bother you, because you’re happy regardless of there being a “significant” other and your pursuit of happiness is not linked to another person.

So, there are precious few real complaints you could actually make. Yet somehow you want out. All of a sudden there is this overwhelming feeling that you’re trapped and you quite literally just want to run away. Why you wonder? Because you’re living a live that you don’t want.

That simple realization is so utterly profound and confounding that you feel oppressed by your own life as if the walls are moving in on you.

Being here is my choice and mine alone. I’ve arrived at this point through a number of conscious decisions I made and it’s really not as if I am having any regrets about those choices. You gotta give it a try to figure out what is working for you and what isn’t.

Overall and sometimes surprisingly I am happy despite everything that may niggle on me every now and then. I am good. But once I start to dissect every aspect of my life I find that I don’t want it.

I don’t want to live where I live. I don’t want to work the job I am working. I don’t want to commute every morning. I don’t want to live in London.

It’s really all rather quite simple. I know exactly what I want. And I am also pretty sure that I know how to get it. And if I stay and continue on the path I am currently on, I fear, I may not get there.

I walk a path as long as it suits me, as long as I need to.

It seems I hit a dead end. So I gotta find a way out and chose another path. Nothing wrong with that.

But, and here’s what’s keeping me where I currently feel stuck, it’ll take some guts to go for it. I’ve got the guts. I’m pretty sure I do. But how reckless do I want to live my life?

Running from safety. It’s what I’ve been doing for quite some time now. I am safe. I don’t want to be.

So, I’ve made a decision. One that instantly liberated me and I will keep to. What that decision is, however obvious it may seem to you right now, I will leave for a later post.

It’s amazing how I manage to blow myself right out of the water sometimes. Or into it, the deep end, if you will.

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About 2clouds

I am many things, most of them I am 100%, some of them 150%, none of them just half. I write, I read, I dream, I travel. I question. And I'm always looking for answers. No dream is impossible.
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