Everything at once

For the longest time (at least what feels like the longest time, although it might just have been two months) my life felt a little static. I get restless when there’s nothing new on the horizon.

I make things happen, I don’t wait for them to happen. I’ve done that in the past, but it doesn’t really work that way.

I might’ve been just a little bit complacent, leaning back and having a cup of tea to watch and see what happens.

Now things started moving and all of a sudden there’s an avalanche coming my way.

I can’t go back, obviously. That has never been an option anyway. But the path isn’t just splitting, it’s branching off in so many directions that I’m not sure who build the street signs and if I even understand what they are saying.

I can go north and west, definitely south, maybe east. Would I like to take the easy route, the one that is more comfortable and less exhausting? Or do I want to try and go for the big prize, which would be so much more rewarding and exciting, but also so much more work and insecurity?

I have to slap myself at this point, because I’ve been there and done that and worse and have always come out on top.

Any path I could choose right now would be much more secure than sailing from New Zealand to Fiji in the middle of the South Pacific winter.

Or arriving in a new country time and again with a work permit, but neither work nor a roof over my head.

Not a problem. I just wish I had a little bit more time to consider all my options. Being spontaneous is one thing, uninformed a different story entirely.

I’ve made my move, though, I’ve put myself out there as I have always done. Now I’m going to have to wait and see, who’s interested in what I can offer.

I am, after all, not just my curriculum vitae.

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