a million years to live and love

a million year to live and love

For quite a few years now I have been saying that I will see the ripe old age of 100 years. I can’t really tell you where that came from and why I still believe with firm conviction that I will reach that age.

It may have something to do with the fact that, even at 34, I still feel very young. I feel as if I have all the time in the world.

Well, I am young and will never be old, not truly old. My soul maybe, if it does exist and if it does wander from lifetime to lifetime, which I sometimes can’t help but believe.

I am approaching adulthood unhurriedly. I don’t feel panicked that I haven’t accomplished certain things that others firmly believe should be accomplished by the time you hit your mid-thirties.

If I want something now rather than work towards it in a reasonable amount of time, it’s because I am impatient. Not because I feel the pressure to build a home for myself, or a houseboat in my case.

It’s just what I want.

And yet, I live now and it’s the only thing I have for sure. Life isn’t waiting for me. It’s not waiting for anyone. It’s here and it’s happening, never standing still. And it will continue for quite some time even when I won’t be here anymore.

Every now and then I should try and catch up. I’m not just sitting around dreaming, mind you, not at all. But I tend to be passive about certain things for a while, just waiting to see what happens.

I plan actively. I am writing. But I could write more. I am working on my travel route for next year. But I keep living as if I am neither planning on writing a book nor travelling around the world for another six to eight months.

Well, I am saving money. That at least. But I could be saving for a houseboat instead.

Strangely my convictions have never actually failed me. I love flying, but a little bump in the air will make my heart jump until I remember that I will not die in a plane crash.

Maybe I am thoroughly deluded, but just don’t know it.

I don’t have a million years to live and love, but that’s how I live and how I feel. I am single, happily so with a fierce love for my independence, but that doesn’t mean I’m not in love with love or that I want to remain single.

Alas, the pool of potential partners is very small indeed, so I have to be patient. It’ll happen, I know it will. Just as I know that I will earn my living as a writer one day.

I don’t think I would have those convictions, if I wouldn’t be able and willing to put the energy into them to make them happen. Writing, travelling and building a home not just for myself, but with someone, are all things I will make happen. I just don’t have a set life plan on a schedule on how or when I will do those things.

To tell you a little secret, I’m not afraid of growing older. I’m quite looking forward to it. It should be an interesting journey.

Whatever happens and however many years I will be given, I do remember to look up every night. It reminds me of how small we all are, how big our dreams can be, how young I am and that anything is possible.


About 2clouds

I am many things, most of them I am 100%, some of them 150%, none of them just half. I write, I read, I dream, I travel. I question. And I'm always looking for answers. No dream is impossible.
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