A constant battle

Doubt is one thing I will never be able to fully conquer. That is a good thing. It keeps me grounded and, hopefully, diligent.

But on bad days it can be stifling.

On bad days I want to abandon my blogs and my website and delete all the files of all the things I have written or am writing. I shake my head at myself and question what it is I think I am doing. And why the heck I’m not taking the easy way out by taking on a more regular profession, or going back to school, perhaps even making a career in my current dayjob.

Then I remember how much more impossible it would be for me to settle for any of that. I love to learn, but school is out forever. I study on my own terms.

And with the latest door closed on me for a job that would have interested me, I honestly do not believe that I could stay in a job for the same company that does not interest me even remotely.

My time there is now truly over and I am ready to leave.

So I am left with a calling that has chosen me a long time ago. One that I finally seek to make my craft. However terrifying that seems to me sometimes, the alternative does not even bear consideration.

I continue to fight the battle, relishing little victories that I know won’t last and hopefully conquering whatever it is I am fighting, one day.

There is no easy way out. That’s okay.


About 2clouds

I am many things, most of them I am 100%, some of them 150%, none of them just half. I write, I read, I dream, I travel. I question. And I'm always looking for answers. No dream is impossible.
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