There are some songs that describe your life at this very moment so perfectly. And you wonder: How did they know when they wrote it? How did they know this is how I feel? How did they know that this is my life right now?
Those are the songs that break your heart just a little bit. Hitting on the truth you couldn’t find the words for yourself. Expressing your feelings so accurately.
I watched a TV show a few months ago and one of the characters asked: how do you know you’re in love?
The answer given was: All the songs make suddenly sense.
How bloody true is that?!
I have four songs that sum things up perfectly. This is my life. This is how I feel. This is what I’m going through.
And it is in that order that they hit me over the head and sucker punched me over the last few months.
Why do we fall in love?
Well, I have no idea. It’s the best feeling in the world. But it can screw with you as well – royally. Even when the feeling is actually mutual there’s no guarantee that you can find happiness. Some would say happiness is overrated. It’s only part of a fulfilled life. But it is still part of it and that’s where some people are probably wrong.
I’m not going to get into the situation I’m facing. I’m not even entirely sure what it looks like, because I’m missing a few pieces. And I have a few days to wait before I can get some answers, which doesn’t help. Because in the meantime my head is telling its own stories and somehow they never end happily.
I do know this: I’ll make it through. I don’t want to arrive on the other side by myself. But I will make it through. Even though sometimes it feels like a cruel joke.
And all things aside, it is true what many other writers and artists have experienced before me: making art helps. In my case, it means writing helps. I’ve rarely been so prolific. I just wish it would hurt a little less.
No, my heart isn’t broken. And it isn’t sadness that I’m feeling. There’s no unhappiness inside of me either. It’s the longing that hurts.