Wholehearted

If you want to watch the TED Talk, do; it’s good viewing. Especially if you feel disconnected and are afraid to be who you are, because of shame and because you need to be in control and can’t accept vulnerability.

I am many things and sometimes it feels like I am all of them at least 100%. A few of the things I am are pretty contradictory, though. Since I experience life, the universe and all the rest from the confines of my own body and perception, sitting in my own universe, which was created when I was born and shaped by everything that happened since, I don’t know, if I am the only one who feels like that.

With a variety of 7 Billion of us out there and all the Billions, who have come before us, I guess I may not be.

She didn’t tell me much that I hadn’t realized it before, but an eye opening every now and then is a good reminder.

Dr. Brown essentially speaks of two kinds of people, the connected and the disconnected ones. Those, who live wholeheartedly and with joy, accepting that they are enough and embracing all their flaws, and those, who live in shame and fear of being rejected and can’t accept their own vulnerability, who hide and don’t want their true selves be seen.

Now, which of the two groups do you belong in? Which one do you think I’m in? If you’ve never read my blog, you’d be hard pressed to tell, if you have, though, I can’t imagine that you’d think of me at anything but wholehearted, who embraces all of life with abandon.

I am a skeptic. I’m a thinker and researcher and an analyst. I prefer to be in control and make the decisions rather than have them made for me. I lead, I don’t follow. I believe that we do all experience life on this intensely individual level from within bubbles that shield us against the immensity of it all, to protect us, because our minds couldn’t handle it and would crumble, if they could experience all of creation. This is not so much a belief as it is a fact.

I’m also a romantic. A dreamer, the eternal optimist. Someone, who can accept that anything could happen, and not everything, if anything, can be controlled. I accept myself for who I am, try to be kind to myself so I can be kind to others and if I am unkind, it’s because I’m struggling. I accept my flaws and embrace them as a part of who I am, even though I don’t like all of them and try to be better.

I don’t feel disconnected. In fact, I feel deeply connected to every living thing on this planet and as crazy as it sounds, I know my place in this universe. I can see it and grasp it and it doesn’t frighten me.

We’re all connected on a level that most people seem unable to fathom, which is a pity, because if we did, we’d not wage wars, pile hate on each other and most certainly take much better care of the blue marble we call home, giving thanks to the Earth for sustaining us instead of ripping her heart out.

I am all of these things and then some, and sometimes it makes me wonder, but I wouldn’t want to have it any other way and accept that this is me and it’s not a bad overall package.

I also accept vulnerability and I make myself vulnerable, because it is the only way for me to get what I want and go where I want to be. Running from safety makes me intensely vulnerable, but it is more rewarding than I could ever convey.

You will find me the most vulnerable in my writing, of course. This is me, these are my thoughts and whilst I don’t care what most people in the world may think of me, I care for some and telling someone I know, who I truly am, is a scary experience.

Yet, I am undaunted when I hit “publish”. More than fearing to share who I am and be true to myself, would be to do the opposite and hide myself and deny who I am. That is unacceptable to me and it should be to everyone.

Dr. Brown closes with saying that we have to accept that we are enough.

I am enough. Sure there’s room for improvement, there always is. But that doesn’t mean I’m not good enough the way I am. I don’t have to be better, I want to be, for myself, not for you.

If you do belong to the other group of people, and I know many believe that of themselves, I can tell you all of this and you can watch the TED talk, but the realization will have to come from within.

I can tell you about myself all I like and all you’re willing to hear, but if you want to live your life wholeheartedly, it starts with you, not with me.

I can only tell you this:

You are enough.

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About 2clouds

I am many things, most of them I am 100%, some of them 150%, none of them just half. I write, I read, I dream, I travel. I question. And I'm always looking for answers. No dream is impossible.
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