I want to find that story worth telling. I know it’s there. It’s not as buried as I sometimes feel it is. One of the reasons I make myself write every day, not just because I need to get in the habit of writing as much as possible, but because I know that sooner or later I will stumble across something and it will be real.
I mean, what I am writing right now, or keeping my journal, is not not real. These are my thoughts and feelings, sometimes deeper, other times less so. Sometimes I’m just rambling along. Sometimes I don’t know if I am even making sense. And sometimes I am just using the word sometimes once too many.
You see, I can hardly ever stop myself from joking around in some form. Make a snarky remark on the side. And not everyone will get it. I don’t want everyone to get it. But those of you who do, I consider friends. Kindred spirits, if you will.
So, what is it I am looking for? I gave that away in my header, didn’t I?? The truth, of course. A truth. Because I don’t believe in the absolute truth. Maybe it’s not even a question of believing in it, rather than the certainty that there is no such thing.
So, a truth. And you can find that in something that is real.
I have a ton of notebooks with jotted down ideas. Every now and then I go and try and collate them into one notebook to have them all at hand. When I do that I tend to surprise myself with my own insights.
I know full well what I want to write and to some degree how I want to say it. But something is still missing and that is what keeps me from committing to any one idea I’ve been having recently. It’s all a jumble.
Currently I’m juggling half a dozen ideas, but I need to boil it down to one solid one. One truth. I only need to pick one to begin with. There’s plenty of time later to find others.
I’m sure I’ve said it before, but this right there is the reason I write like I do right now, because it seems to be part of the process and sometimes something helpful will come out of it. Some people talk to themselves, I write to myself.
It helps making sense and I am one step closer to where I need to be.
I’m getting there, you betcha!